I just woke up in a funk. I did not want to go to church. I didn’t want to not go to church. My house suddenly looked like the filthy house of someone who spent several days a week watching little people play soccer, or at kids’ church, or the other thousands of activities that keep us from cleaning our homes on the regular. I texted a couple of people, and it was all filth filth foul foul, bad mood, bad day, bad life. Most of the time I am my own worst enemy, and deem myself the messiest mom, worst counselor, terrible friend, etc. You name it, I have called myself that name in my head. I figured I better get myself to church, since Satan was dead set on keeping me home (the fact that I was considering staying home and cleaning house must have told me that it was Satan. Ha).
So I had to smile when after praise and worship I settled in to a sermon on James and taming my mouth. Ugh. I see what you did there, God. I am listening.
I recently ordered a gorgeous devotional bible for myself, with devotions for women nestled into scripture. They all hit so close to home for me. RIGHT THERE between James 3:8 and James 3:9 (if you have not read the book of a James as a parent of a child involved in sports, the arts, or as a PTO mom, or are breathing, I suggest you read this book right before the next time you post on social media about your child’s teacher or coach or counselor, ahem) was this devotional.
Sigh. Written specifically for those women who build one another up, but not themselves 😔. I am completely guilty of exactly what this devotional addresses. I get compassion fatigue. I was leading a single mama bible study and had to kind of let it go because it was so heavy. Those ladies blessed my life in ways I cannot describe, but I grew so weary of trying to encourage, and not getting a text back, or even an acknowledgment. I finally just had to give it up because I felt like it was killing my own faith. There were several who came faithfully, but to have someone consider me as a friend (?) and never once ask about me or Cole (that’s the biggie for me) or even answer a text message from me, asking how they were doing. I had many people tell me completely heart confusing advice during that time, telling me that I was selfish (in so many words) if I gave up on them, because Jesus never did. But let me tell you, I am not Jesus. A good friend told me just yesterday “even Jesus tossed some tables, Leigh”.
If you’re a good mama, chances are you feel like you are screwing your kid up. I am convinced those are the good mamas. I feel like I am failing my kid most days, and I say the worst things to myself. God did not intend for us to build one another up, and constantly feel like we are failing our kids and ourselves. James says blessing and cursing should not come out of the same mouth. And like the devotional says, it does come down to worth. We are so worthy!! I say that to kids in my office every day, kids whose parents have disowned them, kids whose friends have decided to just not be friends with them, and kids who just feel lost and want to die. You are so worthy. I want so badly to tell them that if their mama and their daddy don’t love them, God does.
Here’s to the encouragers. Remember that you are worthy of praise too.
*here’s that next devotional too, since my life has focused around helping little ones figure out who their friends are…sometimes I have to remind myself too!