“Finding Your “Want To” “

If you are reading this blog post, in this reading group, chances are you have a love/hate relationship with food.  I love to cook, feeding others is one of my love languages, but I have always struggled with body image, and my self worth has always been tied up in how I look (so silly, looks are so fleeting).

Around this time last year I discovered Ohana Fitness, and Advocare, and began a pathway to loving myself, and feeling comfortable in my skin.  I have always been a happy mama, don’t get me wrong, but I have never felt comfortable in my skin, or felt like I was worthy of the nice things people said about me, not at 120 pounds in college, not at my heaviest, at 220 pounds (gosh that hurt to say).  I had to change the way I thought about food, about feeling worthy enough to eat healthy food, and to know that I deserved to have a healthy body for an active life with my mini me.

In the intro, Lysa talks about her own struggle, about how she does not struggle in other ways, so perhaps this is her struggle.  She also echoes what we all think about food.  I love to grow our own food, I love fresh veggies, but good grief I also love the crunch of a tortilla chip and gooey chocolate cake.  “God made us capable of craving so we’d have an unquenchable desire for more of Him, and Him alone.  Nothing changes until we make the choice to redirect our misguided cravings to the only one capable of satisfying them” (Terkeust 9).  As outgoing as I am, when my heart is hurting, I do not crave time with other people, my first instinct is to hole up with those crunchy tortilla chips.  I have had to train my brain to get outside, go to Zumba class, cook myself a healthy meal, instead of sitting in my sorrow.

Lysa (she and I are on a first name basis now, I am not sure she knows about it though) says the battle is in the following three areas:

Spiritually. If you are feeling out of control with food and restraint in your life, cry out to God for help.  My first instinct is also to simply handle things myself. I have had to cry out to good for control with my eating, for my self-worth, and for my finances.  A lack of self-control means that your soul is unsettled, that you always want more than you have right now, that you are never pleased and at peace.

Physically. Fad diets make me absolutely wacko.  Last night I was up at 3am, and usually when I wake up in the middle of the night, I think about everything I need to do the next day, (which makes me never go back to sleep).  I was praying about Cole’s upcoming tonsil surgery (going to need big prayers for that one), and of course I checked social media in the attempt to bore myself back to sleep.  Any diet that tells you that you do not have to change a thing, just drink this magic potion, is not really a life change.  What you eat matters.  You have to realize that!! And your sweet children are watching all of your eating habits and other habits.  Moving more makes you feel better.  I went to water aerobics yesterday with my sweet mama and it was the most fun!! But exercise for me has become such a social activity, I need the accountability of other strong women.

Mentally. It is simply not healthy to be in constant battle with anything, or anyone (and this counts those of you who are always battling it out on social media, girl, you make me tired).  Give up the battle, lay down your arms.  God can take that struggle on for you, if you will let him.

So, what is your “want to”? I wanted to stop with the constant struggle, the up and down, that not ever liking where I was.  So glad that you all are on this journey with me!!!