Mommy life

Timehop and all the feels

img_4450It is no secret that I LOVE taking pictures, pictures of our funny life, our dogs, cats, garden, my cherished job, and of course Cole.  But every once in awhile Timehop brings up a picture that takes me straight back to a very dark place that reminds me just how far Cole and I have come.  Today it popped up this cute little picture of me and Cole in my car, all of his sweet brand new baby teeth on display, without a care in the world.  I can see from the look in my eyes I had quite a few cares, but Cole didn’t, which is what matters the absolute most.

The true story behind that picture is that we were sitting in Cole’s daycare parking lot, waiting for his dad, my almost ex husband at that point, so we could do the always heart wrenching kid trade off.  Cole had had a bad day, I had had a bad day, and basically I just wanted to take him home and snuggle him.  But, healthy co-parenting is about sacrifice. Your little person did not choose to have two homes, two churches, two Christmases (most kids don’t mind that part, obviously), so they should not have to struggle, or even really know about your struggle.  So off with his daddy he went.

This picture was four years ago, and  I was just learning about life as a single mama, every day is sometimes still a new day for me.  While this chapter was painful, everyone facing life as a single parent has to go through it, as ugly as it gets (and it will get ugly).

Just this week my sweet church began a single mama ministry (with me at the lead, how terrifying is that?), and just putting that information out there has put me into contact with so many precious single mamas, all in different chapters of their lives.  I am hoping this ministry will serve as a springboard for some women to find a church home, some self confidence, and some comfort, mainly.  I have crossed paths with so many single parents in planning for this group, and we all have So many common emotions, among them, worthlessness, feeling “less than” as a mom, feeling like a failure and fear that we are screwing up our kids, simply by being single moms (I know that is as ridiculous as it sounds. So many of my single parent friends are fabulous parents, but simply do not realize that they are).  Hug a single mama today, because she probably needs it (and you probably do too).

 

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