I love my child more than anything else in this whole world (and I tell him that on the daily). Never in a million years did I dream when I had him that I would eventually have to share my precious time with him with his daddy. At first I kind of thought my heart would break right in two at the idea of not waking up with him every single morning, and putting him to bed every night. But, you know what? It happened, and I am still living and breathing (my heart does hurt when he is away from me, but he needs time with his daddy as much as he does with me).
I came across a post this morning that said “Your Ex is not your Child’s Ex”, and that is what prompted my blog this morning. I see this every day at work. Probably one half of our high school kids live in some kind of blended family situation. That is their “normal”. But it is so frustrating when kids come to me and confide that they really want to see their dad or mom, but the other parent will get very angry, or will simply not allow them to see them. I understand there are circumstances that would prevent one parent from allowing kids to see the other parent, like abuse, in which case the child’s safety is the most important thing. But in most cases it is a situation that should only be kept between the parents (I am always horrified when kids know every single circumstance surrounding their parents’ divorce, whether they are high school or not, it is not nice to pit your children against the other parent). Your children did not get divorced, YOU did.
Just take a moment to let that sink in.
Read it again. I can wait. I need another cup of coffee anyway.
For those parents in our circle of friends, Cole is really one of the few kiddos with divorced parents, and quite honestly, we have some pretty amazing friends who really do not make a big deal out of it at all. We are always included, and I am always certain to include Allen on anything Cole does at church and school. He always includes me on the sports stuff, monster truck rallies (I have now been to three, I am a pro) and “dad” stuff. When people meet us, they do not believe that we are divorced, which is fine. I take that as a compliment, because it must mean that our child is happy and adjusted, and we are grown people and can behave as such. Now, I am a human and I do get weary of sharing. I hate sharing. I will share my food, but I despise sharing my child. But, I have to continuously put Cole’s heart first, and remember that he needs his daddy as much as he does me. He needs my snuggles, and me teaching him how to cook, how to open doors for a lady and how to be kind to others just as much as he needs to know how to change his oil, how to tromp through the woods (I am usually included on this too, ay ay ay) and how to take someone down in “Ninja Class” (Jiujiutsu).
You did not create your children on your own (unless you have a story you need to share with us involving a star, three wise men and some camels), so please do not teach your children that. I do not have all of the answers, but I do know what works and does not work for us. I am all ears if you need to talk and I could use a good walk and talk from time to time.
Have a happy Christmas break and clean your house while your child is with their daddy or mommy, so that you can play when they come home. You will thank me for that later.